Can I just speak for a min?
I never learned why sex before marriage wasn’t good, it was just always said that you shouldn’t do it. No explanation, just expected that you get it. That’s it!
I watched a series on relationship goals some time ago, but It related to God/church expectations. It hit a lot of things close to home and definitely made me reflect on a lot of stuff.
Of course I didn’t ask before about sex/babies/marriage much because it didn’t apply then and I honestly did not care, I was indifferent but now that I have a child and being unwed I see the significance. This needs to be brought up before hand, because you can take the time to think about what it is you want and expect from a partner, rather than focusing solely on features and a couple giggles.
I thought about marrying just so my daughter could be “covered” (spiritually) but I did not want to sacrifice having a husband unwilling to lead spiritually. That’s a scary thing and something I could not subject myself to do. If my spouse is unable to hear from the Lord and lead, unnecessary pains/arguments/stress could take place. Pass.
Clearly there is some repetition and the message isn’t getting through to daughters and sons.
All we see is that single mothers/fathers are making it, and yeah it’s hard and you hear them say that but.. it’s taken lightly, it doesn’t sink in and make you think or ask, well, how hard is it actually? And if you’ve built the courage to actually ask, good for you, but then you have to pull teeth out for an answer because nobody wants to give an answer. 🙄
There is a gap or a disconnect on this subject, especially in the church community.
They want to say something like, don’t have sex, but don’t want to explain. If you gave some reasons, I’d been more detoured to not do something rather than a request without explanation. Why? Seriously, why?
The list can go on but only one reason was given and it’s much deeper than a baby.
I know the times have changed and generations are having to deal with sexual pressures way more than I did and standards of beauty are flawed. But one thing I will take the time to explain to my daughter, especially since I will be able to relate, is sex, beauty, relationships and your body.
Yes, someone can learn by their environment on what to do and what not to do, but it’s all subjective and based on experience. My mother did a great job but I do wish certain things were discussed more or that the floor was open to talk about certain things without feeling awkward or judged on stuff I was not engaging in, but definitely wasn’t oblivious to it either.
I assumed being a single mother was fine because my mom made it seem fine. I get parents don’t want you to know things because it can take away from your childhood BUT it can’t be avoided and it needs to be done. At a certain point, it can be too late.
Besides sex being discussed, with the intentions behind it and the things that can follow afterwards. Now, birth control is a topic that needs to be researched and delivered on a PowerPoint presentation. Things are going to happen if God intends for it to happen, but it’s something to consider as a young woman. And again, another discussion is to be followed with that because girls/boys do tend to get wild and think what we want and the information we would get from friends, were just mad wild.
Seemed though that relationships and expectations are just off the table for parents in high school. Even though most people had boyfriends/girlfriends on rotation, it can still be done without parents knowing, and they know that because they had NO POWER AFTER YOU LEFT THE HOUSE. They literally entrusted us to do what they’ve asked and hoped for the best lol.
Parents need to open up more and I understand the parent/friend aspect but you can do it without crossing the line and still having your child comfortable enough to come to you and talk about things.
I’ve had to cut this back some but this is literally the tip of the iceberg. Seriously though, think and challenge these generational things passed down or missed and fill in the gaps. Because this has been going on for a while, both mothers and fathers have to learn and I can’t be the only one feeling like this. I know my baby is still a baby, but she is 9 months and I still don’t believe it. So. I can only imagine when the time comes, what to say and how to say it, and all the changes to come. I’ll atleast be thinking about it and making a conscious effort to touch on points that are sensitive to talk about or were taught to tuck away and just know that’s how things are. Na.