There really is beauty in a time of heartbreak. Our family recently had to put to rest a beloved Uncle, Brother, Son, Father, and Grandfather. I think it was hard because a little over a year ago, we recently laid my Great Grandfather to rest, which was his father. Hearts were heavy. But I thought, to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.
While they were saying words of remarks during the service, someone stated that they try to go a day without complaining. Wouldn’t that be a day! But I really thought about, things could be worse and I could miss opportunities for myself and with others complaining all the time. So afterwards, and I think even before the service, I was trying to enjoy what I have, even if I’m discontent with how things may be.
I’m not too emotional when it comes to funerals, I get teary eyed and sad, but I rejoice. That’s our end goal. To be with the Lord, and I cannot wait.
But an uneasy feeling came over me also, am I doing everything I can to please God? Am I studying enough? Am I showing love to my neighbors? Am I fronting? Am I praying enough? Am I caring enough, showing compassion? Am I doing enough?
In Mark 11:12-14, Jesus walked up to a fig tree, thinking that there would be fruit but there wasn’t. He then processed to curse it, at that point he might have been a little hangry but that’s my personal opinion. I asked the Holy Spirit, what are you trying to get at? It’s explained further into the scriptures, but I felt there was more in the first passage I referenced. Not until I prayed about it again that night did he answer me. This is what I learned:
- You will be tested and prove you are bearing fruit,
- You will die,
- and You will be judged and be held accountable for your actions
So, am I really about what I say I am doing? Am I leaning to God and trusting in his never changing word? If I were to die, had I fulfilled everything God asked me to do? Am I forgiving and holding myself accountable for my own actions, and not blaming others? I can’t have all the leaves acting like I’m bearing fruit or one tiny piece all that way at the top and people can’t get to. I want my fruit visible and nourishing.
Since we do not know when we will pass, I don’t want to be regretting in my final breaths, what I should have done. I pray for my family in this time of grief, but we do our best to lift each other up. But the Lord is our strength! (Ps 28:7-8) Plus it helps to have a baby around, bring joy to everyone’s heart ❤️
The time is always bitter sweet in a situation like this but seeing family, having laughs, planning future events, and seeing each others growth. It’s beautiful.