Unpacking.

I forgive you even though you could have been a better father.

Saying that I was unplanned is one thing, but to not step up afterwards is another. Everyone prepared for this child(me), except you. I don’t think an excuse can save how I feel because an excuse won’t cover it.

Do I forgive? Yes.

Do I want you in my life? Yes.

Am I going to put forth all this effort just to feel like an obligation to you? No. No I will not.

The time you put in is the time you get. I have my own life and child now. I’ve seen too many other men step up and show their importance to me and show that they really want to see me grow.

Grandpas, brothers, uncles, cousins, friends.. and a step father. Wow!

I forgive you.

I can’t hold in this anger, sadness, grief, and just the annoyance.

I forgive you, but you could have done better and you still can.


Heavenly Father,

I ask for forgiveness.

I ask that you release this built up anger and emotions towards my birth father. I pray for for his well being and mindset. I no longer want to be a prisoner to these feelings.

These feeling overlapping into my relationships with friends and family. The thoughts towards myself because of something that I couldn’t control.

I thank you for a father figure who stepped in, when he didn’t have to. For teaching my younger brother and showing me what it looks like to be a good father. I am so thankful!

I thank you for grandfathers that are there for their children’s children. The long talks that don’t always make sense until you have a kid yourself to understand.

Father, even throughout my struggle with becoming a mother I thank you for my daughter. The revelations that are surfacing because of her, the things that you are allowing me to see and releasing me from thank you.

I pray for any children, young and old, that are dealing with the emotions of not having their birth father around. Don’t let those emotions tear away at them for years when they can release it and be free now. Allow them to see that family is the people around you that pour into your life, daily. Blood or not.

Any thoughts that I have towards my father that are negative, remove them from my thoughts. Any words that come out of my mouth that were not uplifting towards him, forgive me.

You have set up everything for your perfect plan.

I want to be free from this and I know it takes time sometime to move on and let go. I can’t do it on my own and I’m ready for you to handle this and heal me lord.

Thank you Jesus. For being so awesome and mighty and dying on that cross. I don’t want to be caught up in petty things and not focusing on what truly matters. Your love is enough and you are my father.

Amen.

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