Make the Best of it

We all have a song at a time in our life that we think is specifically made for us. We can relate with it and feel the emotions from the artists, sometimes if they don’t even mean it. An artist that I enjoy listening to and really connect with is Mali Music, he is a Christian artist but with r&b/soul kind of feel.

He has a song called ” Johnny and Donna.”

Go ahead and click the link for the song, so you can hear the words he is saying and come back to what I’m going to say. If you’re already familiar with him, kudos to you, you’re cool in my book.

Cool

I want to reverse and start from the end for second at his outro. If you happen to be the two individuals he is describing, or not, we have to go along with what is given to us and make it our best.

Easier said than done, I know.

I met my daughters’ father when I was entering into my Senior year of high school.

As an adult, I can see how parents will say you ain’t got no business dating young. Even as a senior, going off to college, working, whatever. The person you thought you were can shift in months, not even a year. You have to take some time to figure out who you are and what you want, then welcome in a relationship if you want.

Since the 4th month of my pregnancy, things began to shift in our relationship and could see we had different views of how everything was going to play out for us.

What I’m about to say may have people gasping but, idc. Sometimes love ain’t enough.

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Let me explain though.

Just because we love someone, doesn’t mean it’s going to work out. We can try and get on the same page but if the big values/beliefs in a relationship aren’t lining up anymore/at all, I’m out. We are going to be circling around the same issue, no matter how much we love one another.

It sucked that it came to me being pregnant and us having a child, for things to surface.

Now that I’ve gotten over the emotional piece of our situation, I’m thinking this happened so that we could hurry up and move on from this relationship. Not hurrying meaning to rush into something else, but coming to a quick conclusion that we aren’t working. A baby allowed us to see our values never, truly, lined up.

Now who knows. Maybe later on we end up married, but right now, it’s a hard no.

I came to Christ in March of 2014. I had been going to church for a couple months before I fully committed myself to Christ. At this time, I was in the relationship with my daughters father. So it wasn’t that I was a Christian before we started dating, it was in the middle.

We broke up the same day I gave my life to Christ. I could clearly see that he did not want to be apart of what I was getting into. Plus, I knew I wanted a godly husband if I was to ever have one. Not to say he is a horrible person, na, not even close. But he was not led by Christ. It was literally the. Hardest. Thing. Ever.

Some months pass, we still stayed in touch, but nothing serious relationship wise. That didn’t last long. I messed up and became weak in the flesh, like Derrick Rose ankles, knees, shoulder, chest, all his injuries weak.

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I think I was caught up in the fact that he was starting to come to church ON HIS OWN and curious about this King Jesus. So I was like OMG, this is going to work out, and rushed to conclusions and not wait this thing out.

But just like the song says, as we were finally discovering and figuring ourselves out, we would have child. I think for both of us, it shifted us into different directions. Yes, I wanted to be a family but even though I messed up, I knew I’d have to have a husband who is led by the spirit and not circumstances and situations. Husbands are the head. Period. We couldn’t matter just because of a child.

I have to deal with what I am given and what I decided to get myself into.

ugh

The thing that makes me emotional when listening to this is, Johnny. Johnny’s side of the story made me relate the most to this song. Even before I became pregnant. I already started to feel a drift between us but I thought it was just a phase in our relationship. I was ready to move to a different state, look for a different job, and end our relationship and work on me.

Johnny can be a man or women’s point of view. I wanted to explore and travel, I started making a little bit of extra money. I was finally getting somewhere with my life. But when I became pregnant I shifted to a Donna. When you are a woman during pregnancy, it’s a totally different wait game than a man. The body changes, emotional, planning, appointments, tired, tired, and more tired. My mindset became more settled and I had to think every little thing over because from now on, it’d include my daughter.

I knew what it was like to not have my biological father around. Even with my mother marrying and I was given a wonderful stepfather, not having your biological father around can make you think plenty of things. Good and bad.

Here I am, her dad wants to be in her life but we aren’t working out. Just my luck.

I do not want Emorie to think that her father does not love her or I pushed him away. I don’t want her to grow up and resent me for not having her father around. I also don’t want her to grow up to see me angry and rude towards her father, if we tried to force it for her sake. He is and will continue to be in her life, which is all I can ask. Either way I feel she loses a bit, but I know I am doing the right thing. We are doing the right thing. No matter if we are in the same state or not. We are doing the right thing. No matter if we date/marry someone else, we are doing the right thing.

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